Lester

"I yam pehrfect comfurtabully een zees. vhy must I change?
Vhy must I vear a black tie? Zee bluh breengs out zee vaxiness of my hair. And eets hart enuff to bent my elboes.

Vhy's eet got to bee black, duhde?"

Oh now zees are zee shuhs zat hafe been made for zee valking . . .

Miscommunication

"So I followed your advahs today and went to the courthouse. It was jes dehlightful. You know those nahs people down thahr are so appreshative."


"I said I wanted you to hurry your ass and pass the trivet . . . not take the jury sassafras and leave it!"


"Well allraht, in that case, we ahr havin meatloaf."

Vera

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"That's just not funny."

Vera never made it to Judy's dinner party. They found her mutilated body in her living room the next morning.

"Who do you think it was, Pete?"

"A dust bunny. Those devils."

Don't make the same mistake Vera did. Call today.

Lester

Zere ees sohmting een zee way she cahrries hehrself. Hehr postyur--eet haunts my mind. Zee ten-shee-ahn ohv her elbows, zee shmi-uhl zat nevah leaves her leeps, her purfectly formed, feet. Ah, Zhudy, eef you only knew how much I long for your deeleeceeose . . .






eh-hem,






deveeled eggs.

Judy

"Ok, the guests are going to be here any minute. I've got Dixie plates and those little wienies... Oh darn! I know I've forgotten something..."




"Oh heavens! I left the deviled eggs at Darlene's!"

Phil

"Another party at Judy's... ach!" screamed Phil. "As if I didn't already do enough pandering to those latte-sippin, pandering (did I already soliloquize 'pandering'?) panderers. And all I have to wear is my high-chroma tuxedo! The low-chroma's at the cleaners! Darn!"



"Don't hate me because I'm still beautiful in high chroma. Hate me because my eyes are painted on, and I never blink! Never!"